Sunday, August 1, 2010

Wedding Season. Some Do, I Don't

I know this post has you looking at me a little side eyed. Let me stop you before you begin to extol all the virtues of marriage. I know, its a wonderful thing. I know, the bond between married couple is one that cannot be compared, blah, blah, BLAH! It is wedding season and a lot of people are getting married. T.I. and Tiny, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz and Chelsea Clinton all tied the knot on the same day. (Side note: Chelsea and I have the same birth date.) My cousin is getting married in a few weeks and my best friend was supposed to get married next week. Yes I said supposed to.

Here's what happened. About 8 years ago, she met a guy, they started dating. They were "that" couple. On, off, exclusive, open, off again. On again. You know. So they had a child together, 2 years ago and it seemed like they were good. He proposed in February and the wedding date was set for August 8th. Everyone was happy. Until his family convinced him to call it off. TWO weeks before the ceremony. ON HER BIRTHDAY! (Y'all know I would have been blogging from prison, right?) They said she was too bossy and did they have enough money to be married without struggling? He was uncomfortable with the fact that she made more money than him. So, I'm thinking: I guess he doesn't really want to be with her. Because let's face it, when you really want to do something: NOBODY can talk you out of it. Besides, I thought love was supposed to make a way? Let me dial back the sarcasm to get to the point. So he wants to call off the wedding, but he wants her to live with him. And his family thinks this is completely normal. So help me out: what's the difference?

If we get married, are we not going to be living together? What's the difference if we have the paper or not? If you don't want to marry me then why do you want to live with me? I am lost. Dazed and confused. Living together is just marriage without all the gifts. Right? Right?

And so this brings me to the "I don't" part of this post. I don't want a big wedding. No seriously I don't. I want to elope. It is my dream to fly to Vegas or some island and just do it. Does this make me crazy? My other best friend (who has planned her wedding and 3 other variations) has vowed to kill me if I fly off somewhere with my guy and not give her the pleasure of planning my entire wedding and being my matron of honor. My family is crazy, I love them, but they drive me crazy on a regular day. I can't even imagine having to deal with them and caterers, florists, bridesmaids, china patterns, salon bookings, dress fittings, church counseling classes and sending out invitations. Am I crazy for wanting to elope? And do you see any difference in living together and getting married?


  1. Wow.. There is NO WAY that a fool could call our wedding off and still want to live with me. There is a difference between living together and being married though. I don't blame him for wanting to live together first though... It's good to know what that's like before committing for life and signing a contract that costs hella money to break.

    Anywho, keep us posted on what ur friend decides to do...

    I don't blame you for wanting to elope. Depending on my finances at the time of my marriage, I'd do the same thing. I'd actually prefer a small wedding though. No more than 20 guests. IDK...

  2. But if a guy says he doesn't want to marry you, but you can still live together. after already being together for 8 years...I have a problem with that. Especially when the wedding has been planned. And HE proposed to her. All of a sudden he has cold feet. But we can live together? We'll be living together with our daughter and a marriage certificate. right? I have no problem with living together first. I'm cinfused by people that don't want to get married at all, but they want to live together. After a certain amount of time isn't it the same?

  3. so is your friend still with him or did she drop that LOSER